ECW
The Princess' ECW Report

Live from Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania.

As I continue working on my latest YouTube compilation, I figured I'd give ECW a whirl a few months after Scott gave up on it to see if things had improved. I'll stick around until you get sick of me.

Right away we get a little T & A from Torrie and Kelly Kelly. Kelly Kelly could definitely take some notes from Torrie on ring presence in a T & A segment, although Candace Michelle is probably a better example. Anyway Torrie bares plenty and Kelly threatens to do the same until Mike Knox and Test end the peepshow. Sandman and Dreamer join the fray and it looks like we've got a match.

Mike Knox, Test & Kelly Kelly vs. Sandman, Tommy Dreamer & Torrie Wilson. I don't have huge expectations for this one. Torrie gets a stinkface on Kelly as the lights go out, but unfortunately it wasn't planned. The ladies tag out and Dreamer does the right thing and takes some solid bumps to help Knox and Test get over their very pedestrian offense. The heels work on Dreamer's back as the crowd gets involved with "You can't wrestle"...yes that was so cool back in 1995. You know I can't fault Test and Knox for their intensity, but they just don't have anything that forces me to pay attention to them. Kelly Kelly does nothing to enhance the package and with the right woman (Victoria??) they might be a little better off. I felt the same way about Harlem Heat until Sherri joined them and instantly improved the whole gimmick. Anyway back to the match, Dreamer finally escapes after a pretty lengthy face-in-peril segment and makes the hot tag. Sandman does his usual moveset but adds in a horrible looking suplex and a halfway decent Rolling Rock. Knox tosses him off the top but misses a legdrop of his own. Second hot tag to Dreamer and the DDT gets the pin. (Sandman/Dreamer/Wilson d. Knox/Test/Kelly, DDT -- pin, **1/4). This wasn't that bad to be honest. Dreamer carried the match and everyone put forth an effort.

-- Heyman begs Big Show not to take the rematch with Sabu, Big Show tells Heyman not to worry. I'm sleepy.

-- A promo by Matt Striker??!! Now his teacher gimmick could possibly work in ECW, since most of their fans hate being called stupid.

Extreme Rules: Kevin Thorn w/Ariel vs. Ballz Mahoney. Ariel's ring rope entrance completely dwarfs Melina's, I will say that. She also screams a lot. Not much in the way of wrestling here, it's a brawl...with weapons...and no sort of flow. Thorn uses the cane in a few creative ways and gets a two count. Thorn is focusing on the throat. Ballz rallies with a sit-down spinebuster for a two count. Ballz goes for the chair but Ariel distracts him and Thorn hits some variation of a diamond cutter or RKO with the ropes as leverage...Styles never informed me of the name of the finisher. (Thorn d. Mahoney, diamond cutter-esque move -- pin, 1/2*). Nothing to see here.

-- "The Reject" Shannon Moore? What the fuck.

C.M. Punk vs. C.W. Anderson. Crowd is feeling Punk as he and Anderson do a little wrestling sequence with a clean break. On the second try, Anderson floors Punk with a left and goes to work. Anderson goes for a charge but Punk slides out and uses an Octupus hold around the ropes. Punk hits a running knee and a bulldog but Anderson gets a two count with a spinebuster. Punk rallies with a roundhouse kick and a urinage into a submission. (Punk d. Anderson, submission, **). Typical Punk squash. His style isn't one that gets a lot of crowd pops, but it makes them pay attention and appreciate the ring work. Now they need to find him a strong enemy so the people will really get behind him.

-- Please pay Bill Alfonso to be Sabu's mouthpiece. I'm sure he'll work for $10/hour.

-- They show a trailer for "The Marine", I get a glass of Crystal Light.

-- Heyman whispers sweet nothings in Hardcore Holly's ear and instructs Holly to make an impact. Well I can't say I'm a fan, but they could do worse.

Rob Van Dam vs. Danny Doring. They start with Van Dam's hammerlock-bridge spot and he escapes with a scissors take down. Doring hits a cradle neckbreaker for two but Van Dam reverses things with a front kick and a clothesline. Van Dam hits all his spots including the rolling monkey flip, the top rope front kick, rolling thunder and a BEAUTIFUL five-star frog splash. (RVD d. Doring, Five-Star Frog Splash -- pin, *1/2) Good for what it was. Predictably Hardcore Holly waffles both men with a chair after the match and gives Van Dam an Alabama slam. Van Dam goes from multiple titleholder to a feud with Hardcore Holly. Well as the old saying goes, there's no hope with dope.

-- Rene Dupree says something. Just debut already..please..

-- ECW World Championship: The Big Show vs. Sabu. Show hammers Sabu with clubbing shots to start as they quickly go to commercial. Back from commercial and Show is choking Sabu, which I'm sure he's been doing for the last four minutes. Sabu tries a comeback but a clothesline stops that. Back to the choke. Geez remember when Big Show used to have a semblance of a moveset? Ref bump. Sabu tries to rally but it's stopped by a fallaway slam. Sabu goes for the chair and is successful at finally getting Show off his feet. Triple jump moonsault and an Arabian facebuster get a near fall. Sabu, clearly frustrated, gets the ring bell and goes apeshit on Show, busting him open and knocking him over the ropes and through a table. Looked good, but it's a disqualification.(Big Show d. Sabu, disqualification, 1/4*). And the feud that will never end has no end in sight.

The Bottom Line: This wasn't a bad hour of television since I didn't have to see Vince McMahon, Vince McMahon's ass or Mick Foley kissing Vince McMahon's ass. ECW is still a work in progress and the good news is that the roster is growing. The brand has a direction, I'm not exactly sure of what the direction is or whether it will work, but it is going some place. This would be a REALLY good time for Vince to figure out a way to snag Raven from TNA because he could be EXACTLY the type of enemy C.M. Punk needs to really reach his full potential as one of the promotion's top draws. The title definitely needs to come off of Big Show but who gets it next? RVD and Sabu have already proven that they will fuck up an opportunity to carry a brand and C.M Punk needs another couple of months to put everything together. If Kurt Angle were healthy, he'd be the answer. One thing I loved about the old ECW was those 7-minute promo packets that featured a lot of the talent. Unfortunately ECW isn't building up to anything right now other than a token match at the Survivor Series, but still if they could package Striker's, Dupree's and Moore's promo into one segment, it might work a little better. Anyway, we'll stay on this ride for at least another week and see where it takes us.